Mother, why do you sleep with him?

Good question.

Why do we go into movies that cheapen us, attack our senses, and, ultimately put on a poor show? Come on, the movie industry is fat and happy, we should be making them work for us. 300? Really? Alright, Frank Miller fanboys, I know you love graphic novels and the like, but all this film yielded was a couple hours of watching sweaty, muscular men cut each other's heads off in motion so slow that it would make your grandmother look like she was Danica Patrick. If your grandmother is Danica Patrick, you have bigger problems.

I yawned. In an action sequence. Pardon my French, but, Qu'est-ce que? It takes about thirteen seconds for you to get bored of this movie, but you can't blame them, because if they cut out all of the unnecessary slow-motion, it would be about thirteen seconds long. Friends, Romans, Countrymen: if you think 300 is acceptable, you are what is wrong with the movie industry.

But, this is not the only movie who needs to be blamed. Any movie that is produced for the sole purpose for you to see bodies spurting blood is on my personal rant-list. I'm sorry, but quality action and the near constant spilling of a precious bodily fluid are not the same. I'd watch the near constant spilling of urine just the same. Disgusting.

I mean, when you think about it, you're really just watching liquids flying through the air in slow motion. It's like watching rain, or paint, or headlight fluid fly through the air. Did you know headlight fluid is necessary to the operation of your vehicle?

It isn't. Just something that my cousin told me when I was five.

That's one of those great "Did you know?" questions, like, "Did you know that there is such a thing as a George Bush?" or "Did you know that racism doesn't exist?"

My personal favorite: "Did you know that Alan Colmes is of the same species as Ammospermophilus leucurus?" See (http://images.politico.com/global/colmes.jpg) and (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:White_Tailed_Squirrel.jpg )

Here's another one: "Did you know that people actually like movies like 300?" They do. Chances are, you are probably one of them. In my opinion, these movies are such a terrible idea that I'd be tempted to go on a rant about how stupid companies are for actually producing these pictures and how they probably lose a ton of money over them.

I'd be wrong. They make all sorts of cash on these things. Because of people like you.

And you.

And you.

Crap, I'm the only one who doesn't like them. God, it all makes sense now. The blood, the gore. The people laughing when I say I hate 300. The old man who kept telling me to get in the car.

Actually I'm still confused about that last one. I guess I shouldn't insult 300 anymore. I'm just tickling the Uvula of a very large, angry, drunk man with the feather that is my unrespected opinion. Never do that by the way. Nasty nasty.

...unless you're Frank Miller, then you could film it in slow motion for "300 2"! Blood, vomit, what's the difference?